Life is funny. The moment you think you’ve got it all together, life throws you something completely off of your grid, and lets you hold on to it because you know you can’t risk losing it. God gave me the love for my life, not the love of my life.
Here’s a story of us. It’s a funny story actually. I’ve always thought that I knew myself enough to discover who I am, what I need, and everything that I was meant to achieve, until Firzi came by. It’s funny because I’ve travelled all over the place over the course of my life, and yet I found my person just right at home. In Jakarta. A face so familiar, but a story that was unheard of. Firzi was a high school mate, same grade, but we never had a class together. Our clique was different, our routine was different and our future took us to different directions as well. Until one day a pop out request DM on Instagram caught my attention. It was June 1st, mid-Ramadan 2018. It was a simple, “Hello Fida, How are you?” and everything else was a new and exciting story.
Our life before we met each other was completely 180 degrees different. Our world, our background, our studies, our family. We were trying to fit a puzzle within ourselves and kept wondering why it matched. Turns out the differences didn’t matter, we fell in love. It was easy – the falling part. He has an appetite for speech, humor and 110% a true gentleman. Any lady would be lucky for having a soul like him around. But despite his nickname in high school, Izzy, the relationship itself wasn’t easy. You see, a few months before he saw me at the cinema, then DM-ed me and finally met again in person, he had gone through a rough left-at-the-altar-a-week-before moment. It was a tough time for him and his family and was definitely not a story I was expecting from someone like him. I thought it was too dramatic, heck, it was movie-like. But his experience made me realize, this is what reality looks like. Not your typical fairytale come to life kind of life. Definitely not Disney-themed. You don’t get to choose your destiny, everything was definitely all set up by Allah SWT until the smallest moments.
The roughs and toughs, we’ve gone through. We had doubts, we had expectations not met, we share disappointments, but we kept holding on into our hearts and our hope. And one that definitely made it easier to hold on was the fact that he was everything I asked God to give. It wasn’t easy, but we hold on to our prayers and now we are here. With basically and literally nothing, Firzi was able to give me everything. He never fails to show his love, his care, attention and most importantly his vulnerability. He was an open wound waiting to be healed, and we both hope I can be that healer for him. Our relationship was challenging, but it keeps us become a better versions of ourselves. Whether we are stubborn enough to face it, everything that I once knew would always be a challenge in the relationship, because it is everything he was against, yet it was the right thing under God’s consent. So I would always trust his views, and respect his wants. Though I have to admit, it is a constant straitjacket battle everyday. But as I asked God for a firm heart, He would continue bringing Firzi close and always making me a happy lady. Alhamdulillah.
Firzi has given me a new point of view of the world, of life. He is the reality check I needed in my life to become less selfish. He always give his reasons to battle this world together, and not by ourselves. His selflessness is out of the ordinary and not a lot of people appreciates it. His past gave him the power he has today and we thank Allah SWT everyday that something happens how it happens, when it happens. Allah’s timing is always perfect. His plans are always perfect. The lessons we got to learn through all of this was sabr, patience and syukr, gratefulness. MashaAllah.